Saturday 10 April 2010


It's been a while since I last blogged, but my little brain was conjuring up all sorts of marvels and now I feel that I am ready to start writing again. Confession number one. cuddly, curvy people, 'not fat, big boned' it's genetic', you know them, the kind that always spill over onto your seat on public transport, breathe really heavily and eat like their lives depended on it while swilling a diet coke. well this is about them and my recent admission to being fatist.


I think a lot of this stems from the fact that I was one chubby kid, my brother likes to refer it to the 'Monica Days'.Fast forward to 2010, I am a shadow (a smaller one) of my former self, in the physical sense anyway.

Never to be one to make such a confession without the research to back it, Instead of the pro-anorexia sites, I have been looking at Pro-fatty and there have been some gems (mostly American lesbians but still) see the pic of them?aesthetically pleasing? Ich dont think so..

Scientific researchers, not my kind, I research important things like Jordan's chances of getting pregnant, kerry katona's weight and whether or not Lindsay Lohan has snorted another gram...anyway clever people found that the mere sight of someone who is overweight can trigger feelings of disgust and nausea similar to encountering rotten food because we associate it with disease) so I guess I'm not alone...

On the other hand Hollywood appears to love fat people, or fat suits at least. stick Eddy Murphy in a fat suit and insert fart noises and your on your way to a box office hit. Look at Shallow Hal and Mrs. Doubtfire and the mere thought of John Trovolta dressed as a woman in Hairspray is enough to make me want to choke on my skinny lattee.
ps. sorry fattys.

Sunday 4 April 2010

When hell runs out of room the dead will walk the earth. Happy Easter


Let me tell you some facts about Ri and Faye

FACT: Faye and Ri have a combined age of 121 years.
FACT: One of the two is an infant.
FACT: One of the two wear nappies.
FACT: But both of them should.
FACT: Paddyxien.blogspot.com was begrudgingly created to satisfy a stipulation of a federal court ruling against Faye and Ri.
FACT: They either had to create a blog or perform 2,000 hours of community service.
FACT: The charge against them was treason.
FACT: 2,000 hours community service ain’t bad for treason.
FACT: Ri once found a Chinese Fortune Cookie that had her entire life (past, present, and future) written on it.
FACT: Things don’t end well for Ri
FACT: But the Chow Mein was delicious.
FACT: Faye and Ri frequently arm wrestle.
FACT: Faye’s favourite seasoning for chips is itching powder.
FACT: Faye is illiterate and has scabies.
FACT: Ri is a simple farmer from rural Portugal, charged with the task of finding and killing her shadow self before she is killed in turn.
FACT: Now you know everything there is to know about Faye and Ri.

Saturday 6 March 2010

Apple man Bad man


Right, so it has been forever. Get over it. I'm now a fully fledged college student... trying to live up to the stereotype as much as possible... bongs and all! "Naaaaat" (see? Borat quote...student cool points right there)


I have a sad sad story to tell. It's one which illustrates just how much the world needs to wake up and get a sense of humour. It all happened in the Farmer's market in Howth, Dublin...

I do enjoy having a gander at the finest organic produce available (or known to mankind... Withnail quote... another cool point). I had just completed 5 days of pretty solid inebriation and I was extremely malnourished and in dire need of some vitamins and minerals. From the corner of my eye, I see a large stall selling solely apples.

I approached the apple stall and noticed the large barrels of apples... green ones, red ones, greenish-red ones, yellow apples and even other apple products including juices and sauces.

I approached the apple man, with an apple on his apron and a Pink Lady in his hand and said aloud 'Oh, I must get some apples'... the man asked me 'Would you like to buy some apples?'

In the most sarcastic voice possible, I replied 'Oh yeah... have you got any? haha!'

He replied 'Eh...yes we do?' and gave me a blank to worried grimace.

Great. Thanks for making us both look like imbeciles MORON